Why Men Feel Uncomfortable around Men of Unnatural Desire–And Why This Feeling Is Completely Natural

We’ve all heard it said before, “If a man feels uncomfortable around a gay or effeminate man (or any number of the sexual permutations the so-called LGBT’s invent by the hour), it’s because he’s insecure in his own masculinity or sexuality.  A strong, well-adjusted modern man will readily embrace those men…uh, I mean, people…and feel just as easy with them as anyone else.  And even if he did feel a hint of attraction towards them, why that’s only a sign of his own personal growth and latent sexual maturity.”  Hogwash!  Normal, well-adjusted, healthy men feel uncomfortable around such men BECAUSE SUCH FEELINGS ARE NATURAL AND RIGHT.

And now I’m going to tell you why.  But to explain this discomfort which men naturally feel around GBT’s (I haven’t heard if men can be L’s, but then one never knows these days), I have to explain one of the primary differences between men and women.  To do that, allow me, if you will, to go back to my childhood, specifically my grade school years.  I remember quite vividly that during recess, the boys would go one way out the door and the girls another—which is quite natural at that age.  Rarely did we play organized games; we were generally allowed to roam freely about the playground.  And what did the boys do during those blessed reprieves from books and pencils?  Oh, we jumped and ran and played; but mostly, we wrestled and fought and pushed and shoved one another.  Yep!  And right in plain sight of the teachers who were mostly middle-aged and old ladies.  No one ever warned us about throwing punches to the face; we sort of instinctively knew not to do that.  We weren’t really looking to hurt each other.  And no one stopped us.  I surmise those teachers, who came from another era, were wise enough to know: 1) If they were to ever get any school work out of boys, they’d have to first rid us of our boyish aggressions by letting us take them out on one another; and, 2) Fighting, wrestling, in short, competing in some physical manner with one another is the way boys at that age play and, most of all, EARN RESPECT FROM ONE ANOTHER.  And that makes those old ladies wiser than most educators today.

And this is my point: Manhood is earned; womanhood is not—or at least not in the same way.  A boy must earn his manhood by proving himself; he can’t just grow up!  He must fight and compete with other boys in the pecking order.  Compete for what?  Whatever they’re fighting over.  And at some point, he must learn a skill and earn his living with that skill.  He will eventually pursue a woman, marry, provide and protect.  And through these basic and universal means, he will become and earn the right to be called a man. 

It is not the same for women.  A woman may become President of the United States, CEO of a Fortune 500 Company, a world-champion boxer (Ugh!), or any number of things—but none of these accomplishments will make her more of a woman than she who stays home with her children.  The reason for this is as basic as anatomy and physiology: simply put, a woman is naturally connected to her body in such a way that a man cannot be connected to his, with the result that a woman instinctively measures her womanhood by her natural interconnectedness with her family—an interconnectedness which comes through marriage and childbearing.  This is why the attempts of our contemporary barbarians to reconstruct the family will eventually fail: Mother and child at the breast will forever remain a primal image in humankind.  A man, however, is not anatomically constructed so as to rely on his body for his manhood; to earn his manhood, he must “go outside himself” which is why God has endowed men with the desire to pursue, provide, and especially, protect. (This difference between how men and women measure manhood and womanhood is wonderfully expounded upon in the work of Anthony Esolen.)

Now back to my original thesis: The reason why men are naturally uncomfortable around the men I noted above is because there is something UNMANLY about them.  Say what you will: I don’t care how muscular the two look, I don’t care if they can beat me up; if they are engaging in sodomitical behavior, at least one of them is assuming the feminine role.  This is why to make room for these men, feminists redefine what it means to be a man—which is always in feminine categories.  Indeed, feminism has to some extent created these men.

And it is this that men rightly resent.  They worked hard to become men; manhood means something to them.  Oh, they love their wives and daughters and mothers and sisters; indeed, they love them for that very womanhood they embody.  But by redefining manhood (and thus womanhood), these other men, feminists, LGBT’s, Leftists, et al., throw to the wind with abandon that hard-fought manhood which they have earned and which the women about them so cherish.  (Incidentally, we have all seen women giggle and wink at one another behind the backs of these women-wannabes—as well they should—liberal women, that is; conservative, biblically-oriented women are generally as uncomfortable around them as men.)

To sum: At the root of the discomfort and righteous indignation men feel towards such men as these is not some insecurity as is largely held but a deep-seated revulsion to the idea that: 1) There is no difference between the sexes; 2) There is nothing to becoming a man; and, 3) Manhood (indeed, gender differentiation itself) is a social construction as our contemporary pagans insist.  We don’t fear that any of this might be true, mind you; we simply detest the Lie.  And this is the Lie those other men so pathetically mimic with their feigned feminine affectations. 

And it is true: They make us uncomfortable, and we’d rather not be around them.  And that’s a perfectly natural response of which no man should be ashamed or need defend.  Thank you.

Author: The Reformed Baptist

My name is Stephen Taylor, ordained Baptist minister of eighteen years pastoral experience with a Ph.D. in Historical Theology from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. Better than that, I am married to a godly woman, Karla, who has been very patient with me since 1989. I have two daughters, both of whom I homeschooled for extended periods of time, who became godly young women, and who ran off and married godly young men, all of which is very proper. The oldest daughter has even seen fit to bless me with a grandson and a granddaughter, and my youngest daughter with a grandson, all three of whom are bundles of exceeding joy. As you can see, I am quite blessed. This website is dedicated to helping people grow in the wisdom and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ through the gift of writing that the Lord has given to me. It is specifically about helping His people grow in godliness, the theme you see repeated above. I write devotions with this aim and hope that they might be of some help to God’s people. Full disclosure: I am of a Reformed bent, meaning that my understanding of Scripture is primarily informed by the Reformers and their successors of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries. However, as a student of church history and theology, I strive to remain true to that teaching handed down once for all unto the saints through every age of the Church. I like to think of myself as a “catholic” Christian, as the Reformers thought of themselves. At any rate, feel free to read, pray, and contact me if you wish, or correct me if need be. As you can see, I tend to follow the church year. Of course, I make no special claims about these devotions. I know very well that others have written better and plumbed the depths of God’s word with greater insight. But if my musings help someone draw closer to the Lord, well then, I have my reward. Blessings to you and may the God and Father of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ speak to you that word which He knows you especially need to hear. Grace & peace, Stephen Taylor

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